My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
