i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
