I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
