i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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