oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
