her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
His hands were made for my vagina.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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