my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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