She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
