I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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