Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
