Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
