You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
