mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
