I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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