I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
