So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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