um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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