I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
