I think im going to throw up on grandma
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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