Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
