i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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