An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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