last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
