$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
