Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
