hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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