Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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