life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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