So drunk its hurt
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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