Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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