he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
