i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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