so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
