how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
