I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
