She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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