People in love make me want to vomit
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize