I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
