I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
