she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
