We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
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Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize