SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
