I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
