Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
