There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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