He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You may now shotgun with the bride
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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