i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Threesome in a minivan. New low
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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