it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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