I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize