I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
