you would pick up someone in the library
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
