yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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Are my feet made of real feet?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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