I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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