I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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