What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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