my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
