No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So vagazzling was a success
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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