So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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