Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
