she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
