You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
