dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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