if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
