Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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