At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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