my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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