i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
