I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
