lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
