genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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