Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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