I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
