I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
