i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
