I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
