I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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