I think I died a long time ago.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
