I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
