I heard we made out
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
