he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hippo gnu deer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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