My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
