Ambien. No doubt about it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
