"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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